I have completed week 3 of the couch 2 5k NHS program. This is my second attempt since Mara was born.

Since I last wrote, over 6 months ago, I have finished 10 months of physio-led post natal pilates and had a final pelvic exam and given the ok to return to running, carefully, and I have been advised to use a pessary for running. My posterior prolapse has healed, but the anterior one is at grade 1 still, I am hopeful it will fully heal in time. My diastasis recti is so close to being fully healed. I have tried a week long use pessary you can buy online and use like a tampon, but it is about £20 so is not really viable, it is also a huge barrier to getting out the door – to boil it for 10mins before use before a run.

I have not given up, and have a GP appointment in 2 weeks time for a pessary fitting. I only want one for hiking, running and strength work. I am hoping the extra support will keep symptoms at bay so I can get stronger (and reduce symptoms) but also get some consistency and push myself again. Some physios refer to pessary like a sports bra for your vagina and I am very hopeful it is what will get me back in the hills, on mountain rescue callouts and running trails again. Women like Sophie Power preparing for her 24hrs race inspire me, she was open about pessary use on her return to elite running after her third baby.

When it comes to returning to running postpartum there is some advice available and worth following – https://absolute.physio/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/returning-to-running-postnatal-guidelines.pdf I was told to wait at least 5 months, in the end it was nearly 12months and this for me. This has corresponded to being 3 months after I stopped breast feeding. It was not until I stopped breast feeding that my pelvic organ prolapses (POPs) started to heal. Until my physio told me this, I had never been told breastfeeding would slow my healing, in particular, due to the hormones my pelvic floor recovery. I do not think it is right to offer classes on breastfeeding and withhold this information.

Anyway, back to the actual running! I feel like I am finding myself again out there, like I am digging myself out of the rubble of the third trimester, childbirth and the first year of motherhood/default parent. I am back at work, Mara is in nursery on my three work days which means I now get lunch breaks! Perfect time to get a run or bike ride in! Also Max and I share nights now so I am getting slightly more sleep. She is not a great sleeper. Going back to work and getting childcare has rescued my mental health, which was in a dire place. I had not realised how bad it is was until now.

My longest walk was this week at 10km, and my biggest ascent week was this week with 650m. I have so far managed 3mins of running and doing 3x 30min run walks a week. I keep trying to do an online core restore program called Strong Like A Mother (SLAM) which is a great app, but I am struggling to be consistent with it so may start going to a pilates in class instead.

I have no races and no goals in mind. But I realise now, my motivation is to be ready for a second pregnancy. Now I know how much of a toll the last 2 years has had on me mentally and physically, I need to be more ready next time, especially as I get closer to 40. My goals before a second pregnancy are,

1. Lose 5kg so at healthy BMI, I was overweight last time by 5kg and back at that weight now
2. Ensure high iron diet as I was anemic last time (again affects healing and increases risk of tearing)
3. Make sure my Pelvic Floor is functional and rock solid
4. Strong core, strong abs!
5. Get a couple adventures in to keep me going mentally. Having done a big munro focus for a few months before pregnancy it was exactly what I needed to get me through a hill drought! I miss mountains so much. I never anticipated it would be this long before I would even start working on my fitness again.

Being Mara’s mum is amazing, but I am finding motherhood so hard. I miss most of all having fitness, endurance, strength and confidence in my body. It is hard existing in a body that cannot do what it used to, especially when you see your husband so unchanged by fatherhood, and so many other mums able to get back out there and be themselves again. To do the things that they love and what makes them them and not just ‘mum’.

But we will all get there with some hard work 🙂